Live and let live. Seeing your partner. Look into his/her inside, into his/her soul. Accept and protect his/her limits.
Support your partner, listen to what he or she says, and really, I mean REALLY be there. Try to feel your partner, do not talk in between his or her sentences, don’t interrupt. Truly listen without losing yourself and your own needs. Be aware your own limits and boundaries and protect them. Give your partner a positive feeling. A positive feeling of recognition, attention and support. Give your partner the feeling he or she can be the real him or her when being with you. You can be the real you when being with him or her. Being positive in your relationship. In case your mindset in general tends to be more negative than positive, try to swap it around. Change it from being negative into being positive.
From now on, please do forget all statistics you’ve ever read about happy or unhappy couples, also about the increasing divorce rate. Do also forget that sometimes you may look to other couples, families, partners, the life of your friends. Every relationship is as individual as every human is individual. Nobody from has a good view from the outside about what is going on in any relationship, or what is people are doing in their relationship, what kind of rituals they live with their partners, what experiences have been made together already, and what kind of future plans have been made or are yet to be made.
Also nobody from outside your relationship knows in which stage or level of the relationship you two are at the moment. Maybe your relationship only just began and you are currently in the “deeply-in-love-and-the-whole-world-is-good-phase” in which you want to spend every single second of the day with your love partner. Or you have the first phase, “deeply-in-love-and-the-whole-world-is-good”already behind your back and now you are planning to move in together, and you are very enthusiastic about it and the planning of the interieur of your new apartment you want to share with your love partner. Or maybe you are planning to get married and having kids soon.
It could also be that you are feeling stuck in your relationship because something bad happened, your partner did something you are dealing with at the moment, or your partner is dealing with something at the moment you can not help your partner with. Maybe your relationship is in a negative turn right now. Maybe there is some feeling and need for improvement in your relationship. Actually, it doesn’t matter in which phase exactly your relationship is at the moment. What matters is the fact that there are a lot of different phases of in every single relationship, this is where I want to head to with this article:
There are difficult, challenging situations and stages within every relationship, and there are strong, happy and lucky stages. Both are happening. Both should happen.
Important to know is that both kind of phases exist. The happy ones and the unhappy, difficult phases. In EVERY relationship. There are a lot of people running around in this world who believe love and relationship is ALWAYS as easy as it was in the beginning. There are people running around in this world who TRULY think that a relationship means ALWAYS being happy, freshly in love, laughing all day and feeling like flying on a cloud.
Let us get to the cold and hard truth here. It is not going that way. None relationship is always happe. There is nothing like: ‘Everything is always fine, 24/7, we never have any problems’.
Everything is always exciting – this doesn’t exist.
There are difficult, challenging, times you hate times you really do not want to go home to your partner and just want to be on your own. There are times you want to stop your watch from moving on, you just want to stop time and make this one brilliant moment last forever. Both parts of a relationship and both parts of life are happening. And it is important both parts are happening.
The truth is, every relationship needs to develop and grow. What do you think in which phases of your relationship there is space for development? The good or the difficult phases?
There is space for development in your relationship, when being in a difficult phase.
If different phases are coming into your relationship, don’t be mad too much. The reason for these difficult phases the most people do not like that much, is growth and development. You and your partner are actually given a chance, when having a problem, a fight, a discussion or anything else which seems difficult. You are having a chance, to truly understand your own feelings and triggers and the feelings and triggers of your partner.
Imagine the positive outcome of a strong fight or discussion you and your partner have. You are discussing about a certain topic, you do not understand your partners arguments or reasons, he or she does not understand yours. Imagine this: You and your partner are not mad at each other anymore, no negative emotions, instead you are neutral. You and he or she are open. Open for your partners words, arguments, reasons. You and your partner are talking to each other in a calm and acceptive and positive way. You are explaining your thoughts, arguments and reasons. Your partner is doing the same. What do you think will happen now?
Exactly. You understand your partner, and he or she understands you. Because the focussing on the negativity has been blocked out. There is a chance now, the door is open now for being rationally in a positive and kind way, the turning towards each other can start from here on. But only if the negativity has been blocked out. This is the first step to take here.
ACCEPTANCE is the wonderful thing which can rise up here
With this, you are creating the wonderful thing between you which is called ‘acceptance’.
You accept the way your partner thinks and argues. He or she accepts the way you are thinking and your arguments. You might think now “This is already a very difficult one”.
Yes, I totally agree with you, this first step of being in a positive, acceptive and open manner to your partner is very difficult, especially right during a discussion or right after a fight with your partner.
It takes some practice, but it will be worth it. You can train yourself in being open, acceptive and positive, even after a fight or discussion. After a while you will notice it is getting easier. After a while you may even do not fight anymore, who knows….. 😉
The outcome will be a very strong positive one, if you work for it and on it.
A relationship always means: Doing. Working. Working together on something special. Every day a new challenge, a new special deal.
As said in Eric Barkers words: „Love lasts but it doesn’t last by itself. It’s not magic. It lasts because we can make it last, because we keep putting in the work.“
So don’t worry too much, you and your partner will figure it out, and do not think too often: “The relationship must get back to where it was in the beginning”. Forget that and be open for a new phase of your relationship, for growth and development. You will love it! 🙂
Love is the answer,