Hi readers! I am back! It took a while, but here I am, back up and running haha… only one small sentence I want to share with you guys, which I had to think about for a while during the last three months: „real challenge for growth, comes when you get knocked down“. This is cited from a great motivational video, you should watch it, you can find the link to the video on YouTube on the bottom of this article.
What does this sentence mean?
There are always times and periods in life, in everyones life by the way, which are knocking us down. Usually it comes in a moment and from a corner in your life, you never expected it to come from.
And when you are within such kind of situation, I am sure everyone of you knows what I am talking about, you always think: „WHY the hell me….?” while looking up into the sky (seriously as if this would change anything right?!) And the next question, after asking why me, is WHEN will it be over again? When will I be able to get rid of this stupid situation? I do not want this situation, I did NOT ask for it and I did NOT order it!
I am sure you all know and maybe some of you feel what I just described, as I am sure we’ve all been there at least once in our life.
Anyway, this is what happened to me and as honest as I am, I tell you now I do not want to write blog articles while being in such kind of a mood as this would not have been the real me. This would have been another version of myself which is not the true version, so the articles I would have been writing during this “knocked down” – period would not have been truly coming from my heart. That is why I decided to give it a break and to not publish articles for a while.
Invitation for Connection or Invitation for Love
Right, so, now back and full of positive energy, good vibes, a lot of smiles on my face and a good mood to get a great article for you guys, today I will be writing about the „invitation for connection“. You can also call it the „invitation for love“. Actually it doesn’t matter how you call it, the title anyway is only there to get you curious reading my article,… haha just kidding… 😉
Needs of a human being – we all have them
So. Human beings do have several needs. One need which is human nature is the need for connection. The need to connect with others. The need to share thoughts, problems, ideas, positive experiences, with others. The need to socialize, to belong to a certain group, to not being alone, but being with other people. So we want and we definitely NEED to connect to some people in this big world. As this is a blog about men and women, this article will be about connection within your love-relationship. Of course you can also use the advices you hopefully will get out of this article, for another relationship, at your work place, within your family, or within your friends group or any other place or community you connect with other people.
The feeling of connection can be a very strong feeling deep within yourself, within your soul and your heart. You feel deeply connected to another person, for example to your love partner. Why do you feel that? What is it actually that connects you to this other person? Think about it for a while and try to find three points which connects you to your love partner or to any other person you have a relationship with. It really doesn’t matter what kind of things you are thinking about, it can be anything. It can be your shared hobby, your shared life dream, maybe you share the Passion for a specific kind of sports, maybe you both love to read or both of you love going in nature, you love going to the movies… Whatever. What ever works for you, whatever connects you to the person you think about. When you think about those three things or even one, do you feel how much love and connection you have with this person? Great. If not, start again at: „What is it actually that connects you to your love Partner?” Try to find three things. It could also be something like: your kids, the house you bought together, etc.
Well, after knowing you have a great connection or maybe a not so great connection to a person you have been thinking about, now please spend some time thinking about what might be a feeling of connection you create within other people. What could it be what other people love about you? Why might other people feel connected to you. Try also here to find three things or three points you think or even know others love and appreciate about you.
Maybe you’re a great listener, or you are perfect at giving advices to your friends. Or maybe you are a funny guy who loves to help others out of a bad mood with a good joke. Maybe you love to make plans with your friends, go on vacation or whatever. I am sure there are plenty of things others love about you.
Doing things with your partner
Do you do any of those kind and lovely things you do to others because you „have“ to? Or do you do those things you believe others appreciate about you, because you want to do them? Let me guess. You want to do those kind things for others. Someone is in need, and you help this person. There is one special freetime acitivity you always do with this one great friend of yours. There is one thing you always and only do with your partner. No, not talking about sex here hahaha, talking about anything you only do with your partner, maybe you share a hobby, you share a certain humor, or watching a certain movie or just cuddling or talking to each other about certain subjects, whatever.
Conditional Love vs. Unconditional Love
I truly believe that unconditional love starts there where you do things with and for others while you WANT to. They are not expected from you. You are there to help, you are there to listen, to support, to spend money, time, your attention, whatever, because you truly want to. And NOT because the other expects it from you.
Conditional love starts where others argue with you and blame you because you do NOT anything they expect you to do. Thats where fights, discussions and so on start. There are bigger and smaller things you can expect somebody to do. It is of course another story if someone asks you to do him or her a favour and you agree to do so but still you don’t do it. Then you are not reliable in my opinion. But this is not what I mean here.
I am talking about somebody expects something from you and you are not willing to do so because of some reasons, your own reasons, which you do not have to explain as you have a RIGHT to choose. Why? Because it is your Life. You have a right to give your opinion, you have a right to say YES or NO, if you want to.
That is, when in my opinion your invitation of connection and love to this person can be ruined. People expect you to do something, but you deny it, then they get mad. Be aware that people do not have a RIGHT on getting your love, affection, attention, time, whatever it is the person wants from you. Of course this is also valid the other way around, you do not have a RIGHT to get the things you want from another person. Whatever it is you want, it may be time, attention, money, whatever.
Love, attention, help, support, time, anything you do GIVE someone, and anything you RECEIVE from someone, is always an invitation. You can never ever EXPECT it from someone. Even not from your partner in life, your love partner. You can never ever EXPECT it. You should be grateful for receiving it and the person should be grateful for getting it from you. As soon as it feels as an obligation, it is not healthy anymore.
So we people should stop expecting things from others. Expecting others to spend time with us, stop expecting others to be there for us, and stop being mad if this what we expected is not happening.
Just be grateful if it IS happening. Then you just received a true meant gift from the person you love.
Love is an invitation, it is NOT a right.
Have a great sunday evening and a great start into the new week!
Love is the answer,
Link to the motivational video on You Tube: