This months article is about the romantic view we have on love and on our love partners.
In almost all love related movies or books, there is usually a promising happy end which shows that everything is just perfect. The end of such kind of a movie usually shows a couple which is „meant to be together“. Or: he or she found „the one“ who will fulfil ALL our life dreams, the one will make us happy until the end of our days, and will ease our pain, whatever pain it may be.
I mean, seriously, think about it in a rational way. Is this realistic? Is this how real life stuff looks like?
I don’t think so.
I think we should stop using our partners for our own well-being. We should start to accept that everyone is responsible for his or her own happiness. We should stop expecting that our partner can make us happy.
It is NOT, NEVER EVER possible that one other person will be THE ONE AND ONLY reason for you to be happy. I mean, realize it. Realize what kind of huge responsibility this person is carrying? Isn’t this freaking unfair? I think it is.
That would mean that this person constantly, 24/7, 7 days a week, 30 days a month and 12 months a year has the task to fulfil all your wishes in order to make you happy. And the other way around.
Don’t you think it is better if your own happiness is built in your own hands, within your own responsibility?
Only we, as individuals, know ourselves the best. Everyone on its own is able to feel his or her own emotions, is, therefore, able to know what it takes to make oneself feel good, hence happy. How can we even think about that someone else is capable of fulfilling this huge task for us? Or even better, how can we even think about giving such a big life task out of our own hands?
When having this mindset, then we go into relationships in a very expectable way. These expectations are, sorry to say that, meant to remain unfulfilled and therefore we will be disappointed anyway, as it is simply not possible for a human being to fulfil another person’s wishes constantly, as stated earlier, 24/7, each and every day of the year.
I don’t think this is the basic belief, the value or the basic truth a relationship should be built upon.
Couples who have been together for 40, 50, 60 or even 70 years or longer, do have another view on their love relationship. And what view would that be? EXACTLY the opposite view of what has just been described by me.
Those healthy couples, do not have the mindset of EXPECTATION. It’s not: what can I RECEIVE from my love partner?
What would be the opposite of this thinking?
Yes, exactly. The mindset of: Not what can I get, but what can I GIVE.
Those couples do not expect and wait until they RECEIVE something. NO. They do have the mindset of: what can I give to make the life of my partner a better one? What can I GIVE?
So what is it you can GIVE your love partner today to make his or her life better, easier, lighter…?
If you really think about it you will find a few things to light up your partners’ mood, life or whatever it is he or she struggles currently. You can do it now. Already today. Immediately. It often doesn’t take a lot. Sometimes a smile, a hug, a kiss, an “I love you” or anything like this already is all it takes. It is the little things that count.
Enjoy giving – it is great 🙂
The best outcome of all this, of course, is if two people who are fully aware and fully responsible of their own happiness, are both totally happy (self-made) and enjoying a great life together. As they are aware of how to make themselves happy, they would enjoy their lives on their own, without the partner as well, but it is even greater and more amazing to share this happiness. As a result of this, support, strength, trust, truth, a shared path, all these amazing beautiful miracles between two people can start to rise together. In a healthy way. But only then.
Have a great Easter Monday evening,
Love is the answer,