Do you know the famous and brilliant book „The Big Five for Life„ by John Strelecky?
If not, buy it 😀 I can really recommend the book.
In my last relationship I very often had the feeling of not being happy. The feeling of not getting out of this love what I really wanted, and more important: What I really NEEDED.
After a while, I started to wonder why. Then I started to think about it. I got myself some time for myself, just for myself, no one around and I started to listen to myself. I wanted to find out: What is the real problem? How do I really feel? WHAT exactly is it what makes me feel being not happy? I felt I was unsatisfied. Ok so then I realized this is not what I wanted. OK….. BUT, ….. WHAT the hell do I want? What are important things for me in a relationship? What is important when it comes to a man on my side for my life? That’s when I started to think and think and think, for weeks. I began doing a priority list. A priority list about love. About MY love.
Let’s be realistic here, there are always things in life, maybe in your job, in your love life, with your health, with people (friends & family) or any other area, which you do not like. Things that are nagging and annoying. Situations you would like to pass but they are there. Life is not always the way we want it, right.
Anyway, I do think there are things we can dislike but we still can accept. Though, there are the big things, we dislike but we cannot accept. When it comes to love my understanding of things I do like and I do dislike is very strong though.
Do you want somebody else to decide over your love life?
For me, love is something which is very important. Do you want this to just HAPPEN to you? Or do you want to write your love life yourself? Do you want to make the rules? Do you want to give yourself the power of decision in love? You want it or you want somebody else decide over your very own love life?
So I started to ask myself. Which things are for SO much important for me in a relationship that I can not abandon them? And which things are important as well, nice to have but if I do not have them, I would still be happy. I could abandon these things. And which things are not important at all.
So there are three categories here:
- The things are so much important that I can not abandon them
- The things which are important as well, nice to have but still happy when not having them
- The things which are not important at all, which I could easily live without
So lets start with the most important part, the things I really need and really want in a relationship, the things I totally can not abandon.
A tall guy, being sporty and nice blue eyes ….. haha , no just kidding… 😉
The 5 things which were during my age of 25 very very very important to me where the following:
I can not abandon talking. I am a person, I just need to talk. About my feelings, about my day, about my thoughts, I want to know what is going on with the person sitting next to me, I want to know how he or she feels, I want to know what he or she is doing at the moment, having her mind on recently etc. This is for me a very important thing in a relationship, maybe THE thing which I really NEED in my relationship. Most of my ex-boyfriends were rarely talking, I mean, talking, really talking about stuff. You can always talk about the weather and what is going on tv , but I mean really really talking, getting me here?! 😉 Ok so let’s go on.
So this was something I really missed in my past relationships and I decided I need a man who is not afraid of talking. It is not necessary to talk all the time, and always very deep going, but just, you know, from time to time. So that was the first point on my list.
The second was, I need someone who cares for me. Someone who is really interested in the person who I am, someone who shows affection. Who shows me he likes me and I am important to him, I am a priority in his life. Who else wants to be a priority in his or her partners life? I guess everybody does. I think everybody wants to mean something special to someone. There is actually a nice saying about this:
‘For the whole world you are someone, but for someone, you are the whole world’
Love this! 🙂
The third thing I can not abandon in my relationship is, I wanted someone who loves to travel. Someone who is being enthusiastic about seeing new cities, exploring new countries, talking to people in other countries, someone who just enjoys being outside, around the world, somewhere. Visiting musea or just walking outside and exploring the nature and so on.
Fourth, also very important to me was someone whom I can take everywhere to. Someone who is easy to be with. Someone who is just being an open person and nice to all people he meets, also to my family, friends, and to the person serving our dinner in a restaurant. Let’s call this being flexible and open minded, I think that fits the best.
And the fifth thing, you won’t believe it. I was looking for someone who wants to build a life. Someone who has roughly the same expectations out of life, someone who wants to go on the same path in life. Not every detail needed to fit, but the big things, like, having kids or not, living in the city or outside, handling issues like money, family, friends, etc. Having a similar way of thinking about the big picture, having similar blueprints, you can also name it if you like. This was also important to me. Imagine you have a boyfriend you really love very much and you can imagine you want to spend the rest of your life with him. And one of your big five for love, maybe the first one, is having kids, having a family of your own. Imagine his number one out of his big five for love is building a career, making a lot of money and party as often as possible. Would you go on with him? Even if he would never want to have any kids, ever? Difficult, huh?
So here comes my The-Big-Five-For-Love-Advice:
If you are struggling in your relationship, you are not getting what you want, or you do not have a relationship, and are wondering which kind of partner do you want, or maybe why didn’t THE GUY for your life show up yet, then get first of all your needs, wants, and wishes together. Keep your head together and look inside you and your heart, and think, and feel of what you really want and really need. Figure out your Big Five For Love. Love life is better when you just being honest to yourself. No one in the world, not even yourself is it worth to disguise yourself and your true needs. Be aware of your true needs and make sure the most important needs are getting fulfilled.
Listen to yourself. Go to your inner and listen carefully to what do you want, what do you wish, what do you NEED?
Make your list of your „Big Five For Love“.
If you need any help on that, I’d wish to be of assistance 😉
Love is the answer,