This article is about the difficult topic of decision making of breaking up or don’t, and an easy tool which helps you to decide what is important to you.
You are in a new relationship. It just started and you are so deeply in love and so happy. Being so much in love, you just do not realize the world around you. Everything is simple, easy, even things or situations which were tough and difficult in the past, are now just easy and good to manage. You feel light. Feel you could fly. The world is with you. You are so happy. You could literally hug the whole world.
I guess 80% of all people experienced this feeling of being so deeply in love once or maybe more often than once in their lifetime. You know how it feels when being in love: life, people, work, actually everything just seems perfect. Everything is good, even brilliant, just the way it is.
You enjoy your new relationship, you enjoy your time with your new partner. You want to spend every single second you have left over with your new partner. You are always thinking about him or her, and, oh my God, the best part of this: you feel like you always, I mean, ALWAYS have to smile 😀 There is nothin which can change your positive mood these days! 🙂
As we all know, with the good comes the bad, and not everything in this world is ALWAYS positive and great. There must come times which are NOT GREAT and it is good these time are there. So let’s see how to handle those:
So maybe, after a while in your new happy, relationship, you start talking about the future with your partner. Maybe you talk about your passion, your vision in life, your plan of traveling the world, his or her plan of setting up an own business, or any other big plans such as building a house, living abroad for a while, or any other big kind of a life plan. Maybe you even start talking about getting married, moving in together, which kind of great life you could live together. And maybe, after a while, you and your partner talk about children.
Everything is possible
I think future planning and having children is a very sensitive topic, especially in times like this. In times like this I have the impression that everything, I mean EVERYTHING is just possible. Everything is possible and, just like that. It is possible to study, even next to a fulltime job, study, even from home. It is possible to work parttime, to work from home, to work for different companies. It is possible to work parttime and to build your own company next to a job. It is also possible to travel the WHOLE world as prices for flights decreased tremendously and the offer for flights and hotels and leisure activities which can be done when traveling increased enormous. It is also possible to build a total online life, with an online business, working from everywhere in the world, attending seminars to develop your personality and your skills, also when being there or even from home, due to online webinars, and many more options we have in life.
So in this kind of world, where everything you want to do, is possible, a very important question here:
Is there a need to get children at all?
Ok, well, if there is a “need”, that is something, everyone should decide on their own. You should, once you get into a relationship, which seems to work out seriously and long-lasting, think for yourself whether you can imagine yourself with a child or even children.
This is kind of a decision which, I think, everybody should be aware of for themselves. This is such a big, life-changing decision whether having kids or not, you can not ask somebody else to take this decision for you. So, think about it and decide. Decisions like this, big ones, life-changing ones are not easy to make. And with time you change, your personality changes, your wishes and admirations change, so will also change your life dream(s) and decisions you make about yourself and your future. They can change from time to time. They change like your taste of clothing you like, like your taste of music, it is something you grow into or you grow with. It is in you and sometimes it just doesn’t fit in your life having kids, but maybe later, you are ready for it. Or maybe you think it perfectly fits into your life and you really want it, but later on it doesn’t work out or you figure that you were not ready for it at all. Well, any of both ways, you need to deal with it.
This article is not about taking a decision on getting children or not, it is about the decision of breaking up with your partner or not, in case he or she doesn’t not want children and you really do want children, or the other way around. So maybe you are, as mentioned earlier, in a relationship, feeling very good, feeling happy and feeling this could last a lifetime. And you already made that decision for yourself to want kids or not. But you and your partner just did not talk about it yet. Then, the talk comes up, and you realize you have different, totally different opinions on having kids in life.
Omg. What now?
Now. Now you start to think: Should I break up with him / her? Is it really that important to me?
In this case, I would like to advise you the following to do (it might seem tough in the beginning, but it will be good for your own well-being):
Take a decision. For yourself.
Take a decision, for yourself. For your own life. For going on with your own life. How do you want this life you have, and you only have one, to move on?
Imagine you were the one who definitely wants to have kids and your partner definitely doesn’t want to have kids. Now ask yourself this question:
Will you be happy, truly happy, and fulfilled and totally satisfied with yourself, your life and your relationship without having kids? Will you be able to live with the fact you won’t have kids with your partner? Will you be able to cut out that voice telling you, you wanted to have kids? How important is this decision FOR YOURSELF?
It doesn’t matter what it is at the end. How you will decide. The only thing that matters is:
Is the decision you made, RIGHT FOR YOURSELF?
And, also, very important: When deciding in favor of your partner’s wishes, ask yourself:
Am I deciding for myself, for my own life or am I deciding for someone else’s life right now?
Can you justify for yourself, why you took this decision the way you took it? Can you still justify this decision for yourself after a year, after 2 or after 5, 10 years? Can you live with it?
There are things in every person’s life you just can not live without. And there are things in love, in your need of how to lead a relationship, you can not live without. Maybe you have read my last article about the “big five for love” – here you can find a manual of how to find out what is important for yourself within your love life? Maybe the part of having kids is a part of one of your big five for love.
Maybe having kids isn’t that essential at all for you, now while thinking about it and confronting yourself with it. Maybe it is only something ‘nice to have’? Or maybe it is the ‘one thing in life I really want to do’.
Your life. Your decision. You.
Decision making releases you and your brain. You will feel better when it is behind your back. When the decision has been taken and when you know which path is the right one for you. Decision making gives you the chance to start with your own life. AGAIN. It is your life. Do not live your partners or somebody’s else’s life. Start living your own life and being yourself. And one very important part of living your own life and being yourself is taking decision for your own good. Taking the responsibility for you.
Love is the answer,