This article is about the way love starts and the healthy way to let love start and be.
The last few days I was thinking about the expression „to fall in love“.
I mean, think about it. To „fall“ does mean something bad, right. Imagine you fall. This is not good. Falling literally means losing control of your feet. It means you harshly bounce on a (usually) hard ground. Falling means something unexpected happens very fast with a sudden effect of pain.
So why would „falling“ in love be any good? Sure, there is the sudden effect of love. You see someone, and you immediately know: this is the love of my life. Very romantic picture, I admit it, still I haven’t experienced this “love at first sight” yet, and still, I do not know anybody who experienced this. I only do know this from romantic Hollywood movies, and to be honest, I do not believe in it.
So compare both:
I grew in love with my current partner, we are happily married and we are still as happy as we were in the first few years.
I FELL in love with my partner…. etc.
Of course, the first expression is much more common, so your brain is much more used to “hear” this, but still, if you think about the meaning behind, I prefer “grow into love”.
Let me explain why:
When couples who have been together for more than 50, 60 years were asked about their secret to being married for such a long time, they answered a lot of things. But in the end all of it came down to one important statement which seems to be THE KEY for a working relationship if you ask me:
“We have always been a team in life”
Those couples have always been “working” together through life. They were fighting their life battles together. As buddies. As Co-Workers, as a circle in life, as two people standing in the circle of their love, and the rest of the world is standing outside of the circle. And this strong bonding, holding on to each other, supporting each other and so on, this didn’t just come overnight. No. These couples were growing together and enjoying life together. They enjoyed each other, and faced problems in life, together, not everyone fighting on his own or even fighting each other. The key is: Together.
There are things in life which need time to grow, to develop to be and to become. And love is one of these things.
There are many people who started their relationships very quickly or even take next, serious steps of their relationship very quickly. They forced those steps rather than letting these steps evolve and develop over a period of time. Why? Why should you force something to happen, when you or your partner are not even ready for it to happen? For example living together, buying a house together, marriage or getting kids. Any of these somewhat “little” event in life, haha… They take a lot of trust in yourself, in your partner and also in your relationship. And as everybody knows, trust in somebody is also built within a certain period of time. It doesn’t come one day to another.
You know, there is also a saying about starting relationships too quickly:
Relationships which start quickly, end quickly.
Why this rashness anyway? Why setting each other under pressure? Why don’t we just “let it go with the flow”? You know, like a little leaf in the wind. Let it thrive, let it go when it is ready, let it happen when it is ready, let time tell when to do things. I think anything which is created under pressure for human beings (whether it is giving yourself pressure or to both of you), is not sustainable and therefore not healthy.
Some other arguments why giving your love time is good:
All good things happening in life take time.
- No baby is born a day after the fertilization took place. It takes 9 !!! full months, which is just some weeks less than a full year!!
- No house is built within 24 hours, it takes months, sometimes years
- And: Rome wasn’t built in one day either 😀
Let love grow, step by step. Take one step at a time. Enjoy every single step. Don’t rush it. Enjoy the excitment, the unsecurity, the questioning-yourself phase. Enjoy every single second of it. It is your time, the time of your life, the time of your love, and who knows, maybe the more time you give it the bigger the foundation of you and your partner together gets build and the stronger this love will become. Isn’t this worth the wait? 😉
Love is the answer,